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Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Mind your block!

I am a monster. From out of nowhere, with absolutely NO idea why, I have become a raging monster. I have yelled, LOUDLY, with no control whatsoever at TWO strangers in the street, YES in the STREET, in the past 2 days, I seem to have not a ounce of self control and it is so unexpected and completely mortifying.
Both occasions have been when I have tried to drive somewhere and some eejjit blocks me in. I'm not going to give details of just how much I yelled and behaved like a deranged fishwife but on both occasions I have been mortalaciously embarrassed, only to go and do it again!
What in the name of hormones is wrong with me? I don't think I feel bad tempered as a rule, I go about my business as usual and then, without a second's notice, I EXPLODE! I will admit that my anxieties are through the roof, I am nervous and shaky about everything, sensing terrible dangers around every corner and that certainly puts me on red alert.
I collected the car and was horrified to discover that I hated it, I drove away and wanted to cry because it wasn't my lovely Renault, all clean smelling and handy, I was thrilled to have paid for it and for it to be mine, without worries of monthly payments but I was so sad with it.
I tried not to show it and everyone else seemed thrilled with it. H declared it quite the deluxe model, the boys are beyond thrilled with the space and while waiting outside the local hospital for Sophie for an hour ( bronchitis, she is still smoking, no sympathy) Isaac, he of the obsessions with buttons and opening and closing things, learned what every single seat, window, door, catch, lock, knob and whistle was capable of. That was fun. Not.
I drove it and I sweated buckets when trying to get it into the parking space outside our house, the space that is perhaps 8 inches wider than the car and a mere 6 inches longer. Oh what FUN that is and when some selfish none thinking sod parks across from my house that makes it even MORE fun and yes, that might well have been one time I opened the window and yelled "Can someone watch me reverse and do a 39 point manoeuvre into this tiny parking space? Only some selfish git has parked where they have no place parking and I would HATE TO RAM THIS GREAT BIG CAR RIGHT INTO THAT BLOODY CAR THERE!"
Yep, that was one of the times. The other time was similar.
The one time I didn't yell and in fact I was kindness and patience personified would be when I got into the car, having driven to Plymouth and deciding that actually, this car isn't so bad and it looks so shiny and nice when I walk towards it, it smells of fresh apples now and not old car and I decided that all was well, ahhhhh, what a relief, home we go, CRUNCH.
Oh, OH NO! What did I hit? Did I kill and old lady with her trolley because this car is SO BIG and high and a teeny pensioner wouldn't be visible.....I got out and saw that indeed it WAS a pensioner, an elderly man, although he had been in his little Toyota and had reversed into me as I reversed into him. I asked him if he was OK and he said he was, he was just old, I told him that that was OK because I feel old so we were quits. No damage to either car but my nerves and I suspect the nerves of old Toyota man were jangly for the rest of the day.
I have become more fond of the big old bus as each day passes, I have taken mum and Leah out, the boys and H out, Mel, Jordan and Joshua out, Sophie has been out and I have been out on my own. I have driven 150 miles and used £20 of petrol, with petrol at pretty much £6 a gallon that is really darned good for such a heavy car.
I like it more. I might even really like it when I stop getting in such a state about whether I will be able to get back in to the parking spot when I get home.
I love that it has Air Conditioning, that's a treat and we've even had some warm weather in the last few days.
I'm writing about the weather. Time for a break....
The boys seem to be wild lately, is it spring do you think? Spring madness indeed, it seems not to matter how long we are out, how much they have run and played, shouted and laughed, they are still bouncing off the walls when we get home. I am not enjoying it, I like the fun laughing and the outside playing, the endless shrieking, play fighting, not play fighting, yelling, jumping, all that stuff drives me to distraction and I would say to anyone thinking of having children later in life, it is not the playing or running, the sleepless nights and keeping up that is the tough part it is the total lack of patience for age related stupidity that is hard to live with!
I have been watching re-runs of 'One foot in the grave' and although I laugh at grouchy old Victor Meldrew, I feel a little sad that I know how he feels. I tell people on TV to shut up ( especially Ryan Seacrest, could he be more annoying? And that Kara whatever her name is WHO IS SHE? ) I love Ellen though, she makes me laugh as a judge on American Idol, this year has been so dull but her little quips make it bearable. I am a grumpy old woman who would knock your block off as soon as look at you, so watch out for that block, if you want to hold onto it that is.

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Friday, December 14, 2007

That went well.

She lied.
you know how sometimes you quash down the resentment and irritations that you may come across and manage to convince yourself that really, what do they matter? Get over it, let it be. ( whisper words of wisdom la de dah) Anyway and you do it so well for so long and then one day.....
Yes, today would be the day, when in public, I let him have it.
F words and all. Unfortunately we weren't on the Jerry springer show, or in the van. Nope, right there in the public eye ( and ear) I hope I didn't yell......but I did stomp and tell him he was a twat. I offered him money and asked him ( actually told him) where he should put it / shove it.
I tried this evening to explain why his thoughtless words hit me so hard but he is man, he is stupid. He is sleeping in the other room, with the kids, one of whom is puking. Good.
I would love to tell you the details but we all know that if I do that I will regret it because I do have a smidgen of loyalty, misguided half the time I'm sure but some things should be kept a little private.
Usually I am able to accept that his way of thinking is whacky, that he isn't able to think emotionally....other times it just irritates the bloody hell out of me and I could punch him in his po face.
Why do men have such a hard time ever seeing they may be wrong? WHY? Why must everything be flip flopped around so that WE are wrong, WE have it twisted, WE can't see what is in front of our eyes? Why can I not just accept that and heave a sigh and move on?

So Rob went home this evening ( we hope, who can tell?) turns out he sold the ticket he didn't use, see? Not as green as he's cabbage looking is he? Scared and paranoid young man decides he won't be able to get on scary train....hmmmmmm will walk up to complete strangers and tout the ticket, make way back to grandpa's, hang out a few days letting people throw cash at him til he feels the want to head home and then someone ( not step mother or father because we saw right through his antics) will buy him a new ticket aww bless. Little shit.

I bought new bras today, THREE of them , proper ones that fit and feel all safe and comfy. What ever came over me? Also I bought a new camera, well new to me anyway and a bit posh we think. I will be excited when it gets here, I am finding it hard to be very excited about anything today after such shinanigans all day.

Blargh, am boring myself and am ready for a bit of a slump on the sofa watching some TV which isn't terribly exciting, not as many channels in here as the bedroom but I'll take it anyway, have a lovely book and comfy pillows, if I had some hot chocolate I wouldn't call the queen my cousin ...wonder if you can put Nesquik in the microwave?

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