I think it's official...

I am a fruit loop.
I had a medical review today because of our benefits.
You know, the way I do things seems so normal to me because it is my way of getting things done, completely the way to do it. Until someone asks me about my day and how I do things. Oh my good grief.....I am so weird it spooks me to tell you about it!
It seemed as though I was having an out of body experience today as I was explaining to this doctor about my every day life. I could feel myself watching it all and taking such note of his expressions.
I heard myself explaining how just to go shopping I have to talk myself through every step, which means that I usually have to avoid talking to people because I can't talk to myself AND them and appear sane at the same time.
Telling him that in order to get to that interview this afternoon, 16 miles away, I left home at 9.30am even though my appointment wasn't until 1.40pm. Yes folks, I allowed myself FOUR hours to get 16 miles because I didn't know exactly where it was, I had to come alone and I was so scared of getting lost that I allowed myself enough time to get REALLY lost and find myself and get lost again and then actually get there and have enough time to calm down and not be a basket case in order to sit and tell him that I am a basket case and am not capable of actually ever getting a job because bloody hell people, that might mean travelling and talking to people and having to think straight which doesn't happen every often, certainly not 2 days in a row. Ever.
He asked if I was obsessive about cleaning, I said no, but how I wish I DID have that particular quirk of mental illness... is it possible to put in an order ?
He asked me if I cry.
All the time when I think no-one is looking.
Why?
Because I am useless.
How can you be useless, you have 3 children.
I have 6 children.
Well then you are even less useless aren't you?
I wish.
We talked about my itchy skin. Medication. He took my blood pressure, which was high. To be expected he said.
He said he was sorry for having out me through my ordeal today and hoped that I was able to get home OK. I told him that I was always able to get home and was never afraid of getting lost on the way home from anywhere.
I am quite perfectly mad.
I think it's official.
I am me though, being mad sort of works in my stumbling along way. In my controlling and very controlled way, I manage and we do pretty well. As long as no-one interferes, we'll do just fine.
I ate sushi for lunch. I have always heaved at the very mention of sushi, what are people thinking eating that stuff, are they MAD? Until today when I saw it in Marks and Spencer's 'just food' hall. A little take out pack of yummy looking rolls...I had to have it, I was almost drooling at the thought. WHAT THE ???? I bought it and almost ate it walking to the car......MMMMMMMM I LOVED that stuff, I want me some more. I am most definitely not pregnant, so who knows why the sudden need, what a delightful change to crave something so gloriously healthy and low fat. I'll stick with that kind of craving any day of the week.
I will have to call the dentist tomorrow because my tooth still hurts like the devil.
Sophie called today she was sobbing in pain, she got out of a friend's car this morning, coughed and popped out a disc in her back...at 18! Wow she is flat on her back at Jordan's flat. I will go and see her tomorrow and make sure she has everything she needs, take her some treats and magazines. She has to stay lying down for a week, if she is still in pain she will need physiotherapy. I called her this evening and she was out of it...he must have given her some great painkillers because she was not making a bit of sense!!
I am going to bed myself right now....just on midnight, early night for me!