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Is it me?
Is the blogging world having a funk? It all seems a bit dull and weary to me lately. I know that I can't seem to be funny or interesting at the moment. Imagine, and me being such a wit and all usually!
It's a rum do when I can't even make myself laugh anymore! Sad to admit that many an evening I have made myself snort with n'ary a care as to whether anyone else laughed but just to be able to find humour in my life no matter how bleak, kept me going at times. Now....not very much going on in my head. I think I am having post moving idiot syndrome or something. The tough stuff is done for now ( let it go for heavens sake, I am driving myself mad with the 'when and where' thoughts ) I am completely and utterly zoned out. Physically I have slumped, have a cold and AF and could sleep at the drop of a hat. My skin is terrible, my hair like a birds nest, I am spent. My head is happy though, already we are wondering why we thought that old house was so great when all along THIS one was here and empty and longing for us to make it a home.
We've been here a week and already entertained twice, it is perfect for visitors, open and beautiful and spacious, the kids ( no matter how many) love being outside and even in the rain they run and can be heard blissfully far away in the distance. Seth has to be dragged in every evening and is only happy when he knows that tomorrow he can do it all again.
H is happy, he potters and tidies and organises and works, we are promised 3 days of sunshine, this could mean some serious clearing of waist high grass and some lawn showing up. I long to be able to enjoy the outside. We are excited to have garden parties where all our friends can come over and enjoy the garden with us.
The feel of this house is wonderful, so peaceful and calm. We have craved those feelings for years. Long may they last.
It seems incredible to us that we live here, this house is on the market at £399,995. That's big money isn't it? How did we get here? Never in a million years would we have imagined this. My favourite thing is the feeling of safety and privacy. Those huge 10ft gates with which we can lock the world out and behind, the security lighting that flashes on should anyone walk into our world. The fields and hedges. The open spaces and quiet. I LOVE quiet!
In the last 18 years I have known more fear than I would ever be able to explain, I am afraid of everything. I fear almost everything, I worry about things most people don't give a thought to. In my mind I read news headlines. I exhaust myself.
Living here has stopped so many of those thoughts. I feel as though I have been taken and placed in a whole new world. I love this. I need this. I don't think it is an accident that we came here and I hope, I really hope that we can stay long enough for it to really make a difference. I feel as though I am not in that old world anymore, I don't want any part of it. This is where I have been longing to be. It's like a castle and we have the power to pull up the drawbridge, we can keep out the things we don't want here and invite in every bit of joy we desire.
Exhale.
I hate that money can buy this kind of feeling. I wish that I had been able to find this elsewhere, maybe in my heart or my head but I didn't. I have found it behind 10 ft gates and within 3ft thick, ex cowshed walls. I have found my Nirvana .
Tainted by the fact that this isn't mine, it is temporary and we accept that we can enjoy it only as long as no-one with the money to buy it comes along. So much more than bricks and mortar. More than money. This is the answer to questions I didn't even know I had.
Thankyou.
It's a rum do when I can't even make myself laugh anymore! Sad to admit that many an evening I have made myself snort with n'ary a care as to whether anyone else laughed but just to be able to find humour in my life no matter how bleak, kept me going at times. Now....not very much going on in my head. I think I am having post moving idiot syndrome or something. The tough stuff is done for now ( let it go for heavens sake, I am driving myself mad with the 'when and where' thoughts ) I am completely and utterly zoned out. Physically I have slumped, have a cold and AF and could sleep at the drop of a hat. My skin is terrible, my hair like a birds nest, I am spent. My head is happy though, already we are wondering why we thought that old house was so great when all along THIS one was here and empty and longing for us to make it a home.
We've been here a week and already entertained twice, it is perfect for visitors, open and beautiful and spacious, the kids ( no matter how many) love being outside and even in the rain they run and can be heard blissfully far away in the distance. Seth has to be dragged in every evening and is only happy when he knows that tomorrow he can do it all again.
H is happy, he potters and tidies and organises and works, we are promised 3 days of sunshine, this could mean some serious clearing of waist high grass and some lawn showing up. I long to be able to enjoy the outside. We are excited to have garden parties where all our friends can come over and enjoy the garden with us.
The feel of this house is wonderful, so peaceful and calm. We have craved those feelings for years. Long may they last.
It seems incredible to us that we live here, this house is on the market at £399,995. That's big money isn't it? How did we get here? Never in a million years would we have imagined this. My favourite thing is the feeling of safety and privacy. Those huge 10ft gates with which we can lock the world out and behind, the security lighting that flashes on should anyone walk into our world. The fields and hedges. The open spaces and quiet. I LOVE quiet!
In the last 18 years I have known more fear than I would ever be able to explain, I am afraid of everything. I fear almost everything, I worry about things most people don't give a thought to. In my mind I read news headlines. I exhaust myself.
Living here has stopped so many of those thoughts. I feel as though I have been taken and placed in a whole new world. I love this. I need this. I don't think it is an accident that we came here and I hope, I really hope that we can stay long enough for it to really make a difference. I feel as though I am not in that old world anymore, I don't want any part of it. This is where I have been longing to be. It's like a castle and we have the power to pull up the drawbridge, we can keep out the things we don't want here and invite in every bit of joy we desire.
Exhale.
I hate that money can buy this kind of feeling. I wish that I had been able to find this elsewhere, maybe in my heart or my head but I didn't. I have found it behind 10 ft gates and within 3ft thick, ex cowshed walls. I have found my Nirvana .
Tainted by the fact that this isn't mine, it is temporary and we accept that we can enjoy it only as long as no-one with the money to buy it comes along. So much more than bricks and mortar. More than money. This is the answer to questions I didn't even know I had.
Thankyou.
Labels: miracles.
posted by The other me | 9:48 pm
3 Comments:
It sounds so wonderful Helen. It is good to get an update. :) Whatever it is about.
And I think it is easier to blog in the winter months. Being stuck inside on cold days, it helps pass the time. Here, we have rain today, so I'm thankful to find an update. :)
Moving halfway across the country from an over populated crime filled city to a backwoods, quiet and slow tiny town gave me that same feeling of safety and peace. Our cop (yeah, we just had the one) recently quit but no one is worried about getting a replacement too awfully much as it's a sleepy little town where not much happens.
So good to hear things are going so well for you, even if it is temporary, it's a break you certainly deserved and needed.
I'm in a serious funk. Sometimes life is just so hard.
Enjoy the peace and tranquility. You deserve a haven.
HUGS
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