Money talks ( as does chocolate)

So, I should probably tell you one small point about the whole Isaac singing and dancing thing. You can see how close I was to him, I had a lump in my throat as he sang and I whispered to him "Can you wave your arms?!
"No, I can't"
"Are you sure, because I bet you could if you really tried!"
"No, I can't move them!"
"I'll give you a pound!"
"I can't!"
"£2!"
And then he danced.

Bribery is a great thing, sometimes it works really well.
We bribe them every sunday actually. The whole sunday morning routine was getting to me to the point I was dreading sundays round about friday lunch time, I knew we had to do something about it and so we came up with the idea of reading about Sundays in the scriptures, making a big deal of the whole " with cheerful heart and countenance" I so wanted to put a stop to Seth's saturday night fever, his regular as clockwork self diagnosing of near terminal disease every single saturday night and his set your clock by him dragging out of bed at 8.30 with the worst case of sundayitis you ever are likely to see.
I understand why he finds sundays difficult, he is smart, he loves scripture, he discusses it with Howard, he really knows his stuff, then he trots into Primary every week and is taught regular lessons for 8 year olds and I suspect he feels his brain atrophy as he sits there feeling he is surrounded by total dimwits.
I explained that this is a fabulous opportunity for him to contribute, to use his knowledge and intelligence to share with his friends and to try and bring alive for them the stories he knows so well. That has helped and his teacher seems to love having him in her class.
Sunday mornings were still very tough for us and add to that the general insanity of getting little boys dressed and fed and in the right frame of mind to sit still for 3 hours ( heh! Any ideas? ) So, we worked out a system that works so well and I am pretty sure I have explained how it works before....in a nutshell they get money every saturday to spend on whatever treat they choose, each week the amount raises by 5p ( in order to keep the dream alive and fresh!!) when they come home, they put the treats on the mantle and they can look at them and dream of that moment when they come home and can eat it ALL.
They have to get up and get ready for church WITHOUT complaint, they have to be reverent and cheerful in primary ( where the kids go for 2 hours to sing and learn) and then they have to be quiet and reverent during the main meeting, they can take quite books, writing pads and pens, no toys and they cannot disrupt the meeting for other people.
I think we have been doing this for 6-8 weeks or more and it still WORKS, I can't tell you how great it is to get ready with co-operative children, there have been 2 occasions where we have had to take away treats, oh how that hurt, how they cried and apologised and promised and cried some more on those days where they did not get to eat all the treats.
Seth has never lost any treats, Isaac came very close and Eli, twice, blew it!
Today was different, today we didn't go to church, we stayed at home to watch general conference...I so wanted to hear what the prophet had to say, I wanted to hear the music and the speakers who always have such gentle and wise things to say.
We set the front room up with the boys' recliners, they had paper and pens and there was a snack waiting.
I explained that during the conference I Was going to make some comments, ask some questions and I wanted them to listen, I told them that tomorrow I am going to hide some plastic eggs in the house , inside the eggs would be questions relating to the things I was going to comment on, they were going to find the eggs and every time they get a question right, they would get a reward. That worked so well, Isaac lost the plot at one stage ( right after the snack when he ate a fruit roll up...seems they have the same effect as chocolate on him, devil on crack in a nutshell) I sent him out to sit on the stairs ( "YEAY! GOOD! I hate this anyway I am so BORED!!" to which I replied, "very good, go and sit on the stairs then, what a shame though that while you are out there will be some points you will miss and dear me, you won't get those prizes will you?")
Oh my goodness, how quickly he was sorry and sure to be a good boy and I WANT TO LISTEN because I want to find the eggs and answer and you CAN'T MAKE ME MISS IT!
Bribery is great. I highly recommend it.
We have noticed how as Isaac makes strides outside the home he is finding life at home more challenging ( or should I say WE are finding life at home more challenging?) He has tantrums and outbursts, so much crying and slamming of doors, so many screaming fits and throwing of things. We have also noticed that he is very clingy lately, he wants to be held and hugged and is clinging to one of us most of the time. I started to hug him really tightly and he would say " Oh I love that feeling" if I put both hands on his head and actually apply pressure he almost groans! I swear I can feel the tension drain out of him as I squeeze his head ( come here little boy and let me SQUEEZE YOUR HEAD!)
Today he had a spate of really pushing the limits, he was just revolting and disobedient, teasing Eli to the point of screaming and when I would try and get him to stop he laugh in my face...the third time he did it, something in me snapped and I was right in his face and so angry, I told him that I was so close to smacking him he had better get upstairs in his room and stay there until he could behave and I was calm again. Getting that irate with him is a terrible thing, I hate feeling so close to the edge of losing all control until I remember that I DIDN'T lose it, I felt furious, I didn't act on it, which is the difference between good and very very bad. I don't think it hurts a child to know that they have pushed the limits a step too far, as long as it's not a regular occurrence. I'm not sure there are any parents out there that never feel close to losing control, I'd like to meet them if there are and see what kind of unnatural children they have too!
Shame there isn't a mantle full of treats waiting for me if I get through each day without losing my cool!
Talking of treats...I am so excited about this week, we are going to be having a week of treats and sharing. A happy time for all I hope. I wish I would stop eating the treats though, for heaven's sake I am useless at the whole dieting things lately and if I don't stop RIGHT NOW, I am going to find myself right back where I started and we all know how well that will sit..... pppttthhhhhhhhh, why doesn't healthy food taste like crusty bread or chips smothered in vinegar? Why isn't fat considered beautiful and flab a thing to be sought after?
Seems control is something I am very short of lately...can you buy it on Ebay?

You sure you don't already know?

I was tagged by Christine and no, I'm not writing all those rules or tagging anyone else because I think everyone already did this ...but if you didn't and you want to...... you're IT!

1. Yikes, dare I say and can you tell, that I hate these things? Tag. If I don't get tagged it makes me feel like ' hrumph , don't ask me then, obviously I'm not interesting enough' and if I do get tagged I feel all sort of ' ack, 7 things ( imagine how I felt about the 100 one!) SEVEN?! about me. ME?! What to say, am dull, can't think. Won't do it. Must do it, tagger will think I haven't read their blog or don't care or think I am too grand to do the blasted tag thing. 7 things..........hmmmmmmm.
So, yes, I hate these things but LOOK now I only have to think of 6 things. Yeay.

2. There is someone that I am related to that I really detest. The very mention of it's name makes my neck pulse and my stomach knot. I calm myself down by telling myself that I am only related by marriage and that it's OK ........relax.........ahhhhhhhhh, breathe.
Then I hears about something it has done and yegads let me at it, let me hit it and swear at it and make it see what a lowdown slug of a thing it is because......breathe, relax, think of fluffy clouds and sun kissed beaches......luckily I now live thousands of miles from said loathsome, punchable creature. I used to live much closer to it, so close to it that on one occasion I found myself kicking it's bedroom door down to get at it. I actually took a running jump at the door to kick it in and really intended to pulverise that slug had not another member of the family ( my husband) arrived home and brought me to my senses.
It was cowering behind it's locked door, this after hours of following me around the house taunting me and whispering at me and sneering at me while I was trying to talk to my mum on the phone, when I said to her " must go, it has gone to far, I am going to hang up and go and kill it," it ran to it's room and locked the door. A grown man.
Oh for just one good punch, just one. ( except that commercial comes to mind, the one that says ' betcha can't eat ( have) just one' )
I could fill this blog with tales about it but darn and blast, H linked my blog to something he has going that his family frequent on a regular basis. I am sure that the vast majority of his family think the slug is more of a leech too but you know, family ties and good will and all that. Suffice to say he is about to do what he does best again, ( how do you type that noise that the cannibal Hannibal makes in the movie silence of the Lambs?)
Of course, if you would love the low down and details and even names..... email me.
Be ready for a whole new side of me though, replies will surely be without punctuation because once I start I don't take breath and any and all notifications of my loathing for this creature will be venom filled and ....... you probably shouldn't ask.

3. Am tired now, hatred is so draining isn't it?

4. I am not always nice. Can you believe it? I'm not, I am even mean to children sometimes. Like on wednesday evening, had been to a meeting about the children in the church, teaching them and setting an example etc. I was all love filled and ready to be a shining example, a beacon amongst all women.
I took home lovely Denise, then dropped off mum and Leah, drove around the corner and saw some boys playing football in the street, hmm is late they should be inside by now but oh well. One child ( about 10) stayed in the middle of the road, stood stock still, daring me. Arrogant look on his face and arms open, waggling his fingers in a 'come on then if you think you're hard enough' gesture , you know ' Look at ME, whatcha gonna doooo lady?'
Well, what I did was make my car jump a bit. Towards him.
Then I got my face up close to the windshield, stared right back at his now somewhat paler face and said, quite loudly out of my
open window ( love these warm evenings)
" How tough do you feel NOW you little shit?"
See? I am a shining light that all children should follow, keeping my words clean and my actions pure because children learn from example.
*Sigh* Today is a new day, I shall start all over again.
What number am I on.....

5. I slept like a dead thing last night. Marvellous. 1am until 8.20am. I woke up flat on my back sideways across the bed, no pillows....I stayed there for many seconds because I had to, I was stuck.
I snorted because I knew how ridiculous I must look, like a beached whale, back as stiff as a board and unable to get up. I did a sort of leg lifting rolling and grunting movement and managed to get on my side, all the while huffing and ooohing and ouching. Very attractive. I drive H wild, I mean, who could see it and not want it?

6. Am very glad I don't have to think of 100 things you may not know about me.

7. Last one. I am really really over babies. I never thought there would be a day when I would look at babies and think ' no thanks' but I do. I love to look from a distance and still think they are miraculous and beautiful but I am very happy that I will not be having anymore. I find I am clumsy when I hold them now and wonder what I am meant to do with them. Oooph, wobbly person....what on earth? Uh oh, it's leaking, where's the mummy?
I think I am getting ready for being a grandma because I find myself saying things like " awww, bless" and " Aren't baby clothes uncomfortable these days? What's with denim on a newborn? Look at all these metal buckles and where's his hat?" and things.
I tut and huff and sigh when I see young flippertygibbets with their uncovered babies out at night, I want to feel naked toes and ask if maybe socks wouldn't be a good idea?
I wonder ( thankfully not out loud yet) if that dear baby didn't ought to be at home in his babygro having a lovely snuggle, look it's 8pm.
I find myself much more disturbed by the trend that young people ( listen to me!!) seem to have to leave their babies with people overnight so they can go out and then lie in the next morning. It is none of my business I know but look......you have a baby, life changes, get used to it. This is YOUR baby, your mother has done all that night feeding no sleep thing with YOU, you grew up, let her sleep now for heavens sake. I feel the need to write quite boldly a message to my children.
DEAR CHILDREN ..... when you make me a grandma / nana / old lady, I shall adore your babies ,I shall kiss them and buy them things ( noisy things and babygros and socks and hats) I shall probably tell you exactly how to raise them. You will notice ( I hope) that I am the epitome of minding ones own business when it comes to your partners, sometimes it is tough and it would be great to tell you what I think, but you are adults and you have chosen who you love and decided who makes you happy, that is your business. I just can't promise that when I meet a little person who is blood of my blood, that I will always be able to stay out of it and not tell you how to do things ( please don't ever let me see a grand child of mine with a bottle of cold tea, please, my head will implode) I will bake and coo and adore and be hopelessly in love. However, unless you or your partner are hsoiptilsied ( I left that in, because that, even for me, is a doozy of a misspell, what is happening to me???) hospitalised( !) I will not have your babies overnight so you can go out and get drunk or party, I won't. I might consider an overnighter when they sleep all night, can talk and tell me what they need, when they love me as much as I love them and WANT to spend the night with nana Helen, then it will be a different thing. I will buy special 'jamas and cocoa and cookies and stuff but overnighters will be because the grandbaby wants it..not because you want it.
I am not even sorry about that, not a bit. I have never ever left any of you overnight except when I was in hospital, so ill I couldn't physically pick you up, or you were over 10 years old. I was a single parent for 10 years if I can do it and be at home during sleep time, then so can you, it is your job. I love you, mum.

There, all tagged out.