He's alright, he is.

My son is a Policeman. Daniel that is, he has been a part timer for 4 years and he loves it, working as a Hotel manager as his full time job, he worked on his days off and in the evenings he wasn't on duty. He applied to the full time police force and he started today.

I am, of course really proud of him but no more proud that I was yesterday, or last year or 15 years ago, or the day he was born.

I knew Daniel as soon as I knew I was carrying him. I knew he was a boy and I knew he was going to be splendid.

When I was about 8 weeks pregnant, I was working as an auxiliary nurse in an old peoples' home. I was helping one lady to get ready for bed one evening. A dear old lady, completely dotty, dementia had fuddled her brain and she never spoke, not a single word of sense, just day long muttering and mumbling and eh-eh-eh-ehing. I leaned over her to help her stand up and she put her hand on my belly and said, as clear as day, " Bless him...there's a little lad in there and when he is born you will look on his dear little face and you will say 'He's alright he is' and he will be, he'll be more than alright that little fellow" and then she stopped, not one of us ever heard her say another word, we'd never heard her speak before and she never did it again it was extraordinary and moving and I believed her.

I wanted to call him Samuel. I was adamant that his name would be Sam, right up until 2 days before he was born when I had a dream that I gave birth to him and when the nurse handed him to me I looked up and said "It's Daniel" so Daniel it was.

Daniel Carl William.

I thought hard about his name, I wanted it to have good initials, DCW and then his surname looks so good written down and I made myself imagine how it would look on a brass name plate.

It would look as Daniel C.W. ******** or D.C.W. I used to write it over and over again so I could look at how good it looked and sounded.

Daniel was never a great scholar, he was charming and funny, polite and delightful but he didn't work hard, he just about scraped through without getting into trouble. He did a homework assignment once ..yes ONCE and he made a truly impressive model of a volcano, so astounded were his teachers, so thrilled that here he was with evidence that when he wanted to he could do something well, that they put that volcano in a glass fronted cabinet in the school foyer, in the hope that this would encourage Daniel to strive for more glory and satisfaction. It failed miserably, he used to say " I did it once, they loved it, that'll do them for a few years"

He left school with few if any qualifications and he couldn't have cared less. Once he had left school, he changed, now it seemed that he could learn because he wanted to and he DID want to and so he went to college as well as working full time and by the time he was 19 he was a qualified chef, barman, manager and who knows what else, he was managing a beautiful restaurant at 20 and then the hotel he hated until last week.

He has won awards while working for the police, he has been in TV and in newspapers having been involved in catching bad men and scary people. He has been chased through streets by men with guns, he has been beaten up and injured and he loves every moment.

He called me today after his first day and he was so happy, he loves it, met good people, it is the most splendid thing to know your child is happy.

He's alright, he is. He is more than alright.

The last one is for the first one.

Birthdays that is. Today is Dan's 23rd Birthday. Luckily, he hates birthdays, has done since he was 10, every year we would ask him what he wanted to do and he would say " stay home and be bored" and he meant it. He doesn't tell anyone when his birthday is ( so I just wrote on his Face Book page! ) he ever wants anything and would rather we don't even mention it.

I say luckily because dear life, are we sick of birthdays in this house? Happy Bir...yeah, yadda yadda, same old same old. Sophie's OK because her birthday is in march but the rest if us, from July 24th -August 25th, all of us crammed in there, one after the other.

Dan was planning on coming down again today but then went to play golf ( I am so ashamed that a child of mine would do such a thing, I certainly didn't raise him that way) half the day was gone and I suspect a night out with his friends seemed a tad more exciting to him.

We ate his birthday dinner and dessert for him though, Gammon steaks, roast potatoes, green beans and parsley sauce with a choice of Lemon meringue, chocolate cheesecake or strawberry cheesecake..or some of each. Eli ( of course) chose chocolate and Lemon meringue. HE does this thing where he chooses, eats it all but a mere mouthful and then says " Atcherly, I hate dat, I didn't like it at all, I changed my mind, I want THAT one instead" It is so predictable and cute that he gets away with it every time.

Anyway. Daniel, it's his day, time to say stuff about him that I may not have said already.

He was the most delicious baby, I was completely in love with him from the first minute I saw his tiny face.

Seth is like Dan, pixie face and not a scrap of fat on him.

Dan was smoochy and funny, sweet and kind from the very beginning. White blond hair and gappy teeth. He appointed himself as my keeper and looked out for me until he was sure H was doing a good job.

It always amazes me that I have 6 children and feel differently for all of them. Each one of them is different and yet similarities show up often. Dan and Seth, Jordan and Isaac and Eli and himself. Seth and Sophie have many similarities too (but we try to ignore those!)

It's a strange thing to be a mother of a grown man. I don't believe it usually, I'm not sure how or when that happened. I just know that I am incredibly proud to be the mother of THIS grown man.

Happy Birthday Dan, whether you like it or not, Mum x

Where's the paper towel...my cup runneth over.

She's there.
I am holding my breath and curling up in a safe little ball, all inside my head.
She cried and really cried and she hugged me, hard.
She knows I love her. She does.
Dan is more than an angel ... who knows what to call him? He is beyond glorious.
He called and kept calling and telling her how great this was going to be.
He called when she was on the train and said that he had the staff waiting as a welcoming committee, that they were all going to play cards, eat pizza and put her hand print on the office wall.
He called when she arrived and said that she was happy and excited and that her room was ready and she started work at 9am tomorrow morning, he has told her that she will have £645 a month after tax and her accommodation has been deducted.
He has worked out how much she can spend and still have £3.000 saved by christmas. He has told her that this job is for as long as she does it well and she can make of it what she will.
He has also told her that she gets no favours, she has no chances and she had better make the most of this opportunity.
She has £8 to last her until I send some money next week. There is a new law here that forbids smoking in any public place, she cannot smoke, even in her room.
Dan will buy her credit for her phone, will take her out, she can go to his flat and hang out and he will introduce her to good people. He won't give her money.
She will be paid on August 17th, soon enough for her to have something to look forward to, long enough away for her to clean out her system. We are pretty sure that this drugs deal is very new, she has tried whatever people have given her and she liked it.
She is so skinny, tiny but not gaunt. She has never been fat but she has always been beautifully curvy. Right now there aren't many curves.
What was wonderful is that a few of her real friends, the ones that come back even when she has been revolting, they came to the station and I wish I had had my camera. They said all the right things about how lucky she was and how perfect this job was and how it was all the best of everything but will she come back and visit? Can they go and see her?
There was hugging and crying and teasing and laughing.
When she got onto the train with huge holdall, backpack ( without clanking metal mug thankyou) 2 carrier bags, a vanity case and a handbag. She stood, looking very young and with tears streaming down her face and the train began to move. Those beautiful girls who came to say goodbye, well, they yelled her name and they RAN, right alongside the train acting like war brides sending their men to war. They waved and yelled and shouted and waved ......... and she laughed.
There is so much good in this world and she tasted it this evening. I hope she feels so much of that that she can hardly believe how things were here lately.
I told her that she has been dragged down and been feeling that she is stuck, that she can't behave anyway than the way she has because people expect it of her but now, well now she gets to rewrite the book. These new people only know her as Dan's brother and will be looking to see how fantastic she is too. That she can shine and laugh and have fun. She can show them who she really is and enjoy how much they will love her.
I told her over and over that I adore her and that she has been breaking my heart but now I am looking forward to hearing how great his new life is. She can do it and the biggest part of me knows she will.
I hope she knows it. I hope that she isn't so low down that she has really forgotten how beautiful she is and how possible it all is for her to do whatever she chooses.
She told me that the last time she can remember feeling anything close to happy is when she stayed with a friend in a hostel type place for homeless teens, she said she felt good because she was 'better' than them because she still lived at home, that she chose to be there and they didn't have a family that cared like she did. When she left and I wouldn't let her come back, she said she felt like nothing. She felt lower than anyone else she knew and didn't feel she could ever feel good about herself again.
I saw her grow tonight when her good friends ( that she felt she couldn't see anymore because they were better than her) came to see her and were telling her that this was fabulous and she was so lucky and they wished THEY could have a chance like this. I watched some hope come back, I saw some straightness come back to her spine. I saw the smallest light in her eyes.
When I wrote in my letter to her that I couldn't do this one, and I pleaded with God to take this trial away, I believe he heard me. I have never asked that before, I have always asked for the strength, or the wisdom, for guidance and clarity of mind. The ability to go and do and conquer.
My boy took this one away, no accident, no happy coincidence. Almost immediately my prayer was heard and this nightmare was taken from me. Now my girl has to take her life into her hands and make good.
I will be true to my word and will be grateful for those things I have, even the leaking house and backfiring car because, truly, I have everything I could possibly need. I will not stop praying for this child of mine and I know that this is the very beginning, it is not over, it not all healed. What we have here is a fragile miracle.
I have such faith in prayer and have no doubt that prayer works. Not always do we get the answer that we long for and rarely is the solution to our problems a simple one.
I am, right now, feeling humble and incredibly grateful.
My cup runneth over.

For my Dan.

Daniel has my blog address, I sent the link to a ton of people with pics of our new house and sent it to Dan.....I didn't mean to because you all know, I don't want my kids to read my blog , he has been here though, haven't you my boy? He is loving looking at all the pictures and saving them so he has them on his laptop. He loves the little gits, who love him right back.
Dan, I know you said that there are WAY too many words on here for you to read, I sort of believe you because H shudders at the very thought of ever having to read the things I don't let out of my mouth, I could leave this blog printed out and propped up in front of his face and he would get himself a cricked neck trying to avoid having to read it, so maybe you are the same and you won't read my innermost thoughts.
If you do.....know that I love you, all of you, who you are and what you are and who you will be. You are, quite honestly the light of my life. My soul sings when I think of you, I grow taller when I talk about you. My life would be empty if I had never had you.
That's all.
I miss you and wish you would hurry up and come down here and find a job right here....so we could bring the gits to your house and hide and collapse in a weary heap while you entertain them for hours on end and make memories with them, they still talk about you looking after them while we went to London and still howl with laughter about how you told Sophie to go to her room when she was yelling and called her SOPHIE ALEXANDRA JEAN SMELLY BIG GOB YELLOW HAIR NAUGHTY GIRL STINKY FEET FAT BUM DIRTY TEETH WOBBLY LEGS...etc etc SURNAME, they think you are pretty much as perfect as it gets in a big brother. They would be right.
I love you my boy. Mum.