The travellers return...so does the positive me.

Hooray, the H is back in the house! All cosmopolitan and travelled, tired and travel weary. I am told he wore them all out, made them get up at the crack of dawn and see it all, tramp the streets, ride the metro, see it, do it, experience it. Except for the shops of course. Poor Kara. I think she stamped her foot and managed a shop or two but it was Museums and places of interest. they saw the Arch de Triomphe, Eiffle tower, The mona lisa.....they ate cheese and fine meals and I am ridiculously, childishly, ashamedly jealous.
I didn't mind a bit before they went, didn't feel even an smidgen of envy while they were there but I am feeling decidedly snippy at every excited mention of what they saw and where they went. Jose, I am told rushed to the airport and made it, went for 2 days and enjoyed the sights before he went back to the states.
I wonder why I mind so much today...is it the fact that so rarely do I see H so animated and to witness it now and not have been a part of it is difficult? Is it that they ate in fine restaurants, walked through grand places and did grown up things and for 3 days didn't have to intervene once in the endless cycle of little boy battles? Perhaps I just long so much for a time of selfish indulgence that I am not ready to give myself. I could have gone, it was completely possible. I chose not to.
I loved how thrilled they were to see us at the airport, the plan was that they catch a bus home but after 3 hours of trying to clean the house in vain and having to seperate these boys who just seem to thrive on fighting each other every waking moment, I just wanted out of the house. That fighting gets so dull very quickly. Seth is particularly mean in his battling. Isaac is incredibly strong and quite clearly gets the red mist of rage, Elijah just loves the whole thing, such joy in each punch and a kick in the unsuspecting head of a brother bigger than him is positively the highlight of his day.
I can almost understand that, there are times I am sure I would gain enormous satisfaction from kicking someone in the head, thank goodness that most of us, as we grow, learn that such actions are best left in the imagination. Is it my job to teach that? I think it is.....groan.
I was happier than a happy thing whenever H stroked my back or squeezed my hand. So nice to know that he was as glad to see me as I was to see him.
As the day went on, I minded less about missing the Paris experience, by tomorrow I am sure I won't mind a bit that I didn't go.

I'm sorry I haven't been writing on my blob blog...it's mainly the time issue, with everyone here I just can't take the time for both blogs. I have also been pathetic sticking to it....not bad, not right off but just iffy. I weighed myself the day they went to Paris, 4lbs gained. ARGH! So, stocked up on slimfast, bottled water and some very firm talking to myself. I think I have lost 3 of those 4lbs. I know so surely that I do NOT want to go backwards. I hate the very idea of gaining the weight back, I don't want to lose that glorious sense of achievement. the goals, the positive outlook. I see very overweight people and want to keep that thrill of knowing I have stopped myself getting that far down the road of misery and discomfort. I never, ever want to feel that loathing that was so much a part of my life.
I have had weeks of hovering, not being strong, not weak, not gaining, not losing but very definately I have noticed the good feeling is going, harder to look at myself and feel positive, more disinterest in looking at things to wear, do, plan. Today I felt that sort of dragging feeling, the desire to shrink into myself and hide. NO WAY !!!!! Never again, I promised myself, I was changing the way I looked, felt, thought and slowly but very surely that has been slipping away again.
How exciting to have caught myself and to understand that this is entirely in my hands. No-one can do this for me, just me and THAT is what makes it so amazing when it works, when I manage to battle the negative thoughts, those " oh that won't hurt" whispers, the " but you're not bad now" reasonings.
I'm not bad, no longer horribly obese BUT I haven't done what I promised myself I would do. I haven't finished what I started. I'm not past the finishing line that is SO much closer than it used to be, it is SO achievable and within reach. The school holidays have been a tough challenge for me, having grandpa and Kara here has almost been my downfall. The boys go back to school next week and Grandpa leaves on sunday too. No reason then why I can't look at this as my time to start again, get up and out and just DO IT!
That feels SO good, so right to tell myself that it can be done and isn't at all a hardship but a treat, a positive reward for me. Just for me. More of that feel good stuff, much more of that waking up and looking forward to what I can achieve . I hate it that it is so easy to lose that positive feeling.
I think that I had it in my mind that the whole weight loss trip was going to be smooth sailing this time, that week after week it would just come off and hey presto I would be skinny malinny. It has been easier than ever before because I am ready to do it, I don't need the fat now but old habits die hard and I really really love food, I love buying it, cooking it, smelling it, feeling it and EATING it. I can still love all that and do all that but it has to be good food, not the easy crap that tastes good but feels bad, I'm not kidding when I say that there are many foods that I love that make me feel like poop. I swear that white bread makes me feel like a gunged up slug. Overly sugary things make me feel like a wired and bad tempered toddler. My legs go CRAZY after sweet foods. If I cheat and eat chocolate or sweets my legs hurt so badly because they are so hyper and jig so much.
I have been hopeless with drinking water, I bought small bottles that I keep in Jordan's fridge, so easy then to grab a bottle and guzzle it. I refill them and make sure I have plenty cold at all times, grab one when I go out in the car, grab one when I sit down, another to go to bed with. I keep some in the freezer so when we go out I have one that will stay cool.
What a relief to feel like this again. I hate that other person that thinks she isn't worth looking after, who isn't worth taking the time to feed well, to exercise or treat nicely.
I am learning that if I want to eat when no-one is around, when no-one can see, the chances are that food isn't what I need. I might make it a rule to only eat when someone is around.....When my visitors have gone I will try and write the blob blog but write EVERYTHING I eat, not just the main meals. Keep a complete journal of what I eat, that will really help me to watch what I take in!
The weather is definately cooling down now, I am going to have to get back on track with my exercising. BLARGH! I honestly don't enjoy it but hey, maybe one day?!?! I wish I lived near Julie bo so I could get me Ruby and go cycling with her, I would have a green bike and call her Emerald and we would cut a very fine picture as we pedalled to perfection with our young'uns behind us.
My weight loss ticker is twiddling it's thumbs waiting for me to enter some new numbers, 46 down, 45 still to go. I am resolute in my determination that it won't have to wait much longer. the holidays are over, I am ready to be good to myself again and with all the birthdays behind us it is time to get back on it and show me what I can do. Hoorah for me.
This girl is gone for good...



this one is here right now but she still isn't as happy as she could be, still not as fit as she needs to be.

PUT THE CAKE DOWN AND STEP AWAY FROM IT!!!!!

A day of extremes.

Very bored, that means boys are very loud, very naughty....get them out of the house, somewhere they can play and jump and be loud....Aha, Jordan's work, I can read and have a cool drink, they can play in play area and shout and do stuff that makes my brain weep and try to escape to a nice place where children have volume controls.
Was a good idea, Elijah REALLY loved the cool lemonade, so much he drank two..at the same time



They indeed ran, and played and shouted and jumped and climbed, a good time was had by all, my Jordan cooked me a bacon baguette which was completely delicious along with my slimline tonic and lime. I read my newspaper and relaxed. But as always, all good things must come to an end. Unfortunately.

Oh, and......

I am actually a bit nervous being at home without H. When I drive them to the airpot at 4am, I was sort of stunned to discover that I am still very afraid of being out in the dark. Really afraid, cold sweat and praying kind of afraid.
The closer I got to the airport, knowing I was going to have to drive back alone, I got more and more sick inside. I prayed " please don't let the car die, please don't let me get stuck in the dark alone, please don't let anyone kill me...." I felt dizzy and nauseous, and mad that I still feel like this. I was mad until I realised that everyone has fears, some people are afraid of spiders, balloons, heights, needles.... I am afraid of the dark, outside. I love the dark INSIDE, but having to go out, even to put bins out, run to the car, any reason. I just hate it. I know all kinds of evil and bad are waiting in the shadows for me. So what? I shall simply keep doing what I do, stay in, or go out with someone. Hardly life shattering is it?
I don't like going to bed with the H man, if Jordan is at home I feel safer but if he is working in the kitchens at work, he sleeps there, he wasn't at home last night. I think he's here tonight though. Phew.
I have done my ironing. Big deal you may say, it is indeed I shall reply. I have been tripping over my ever growing iroing pile for 10 days, it was unavoidable tonight, I could scarecely see over it and unless we want to sport that horrible fashion called the crinkle look, I had no choice, we have no clothes left. My back aches now in a satsified and smug sort of way. I can walk into the kitchen and see the sides ( hoorah, for now free of cakes and ketchup sachets) My tumble drier seems to be non functioning though, it is cold...sooooo coooooooold. I need my drier , I need to have a hot drier to dry clothes. No line outside here. I truly don't want to have to go the launderette route. It's a newish drier too, bought it in January so it should still work, bad drier DRY MY CLOTHES ( I say 'my' but mean 'their', much more of their stuff than my stuff) don't go thinking that if the car got away with it you will too, I shall send you back from whence you came, with a flea in your ear if you think you can pack up and die. Mark my words.
I might well be afraid of the dark but a tumble drier holds no fear for me.

One of those days.....

Today began on a high that was just ...well high. No-one woke me up, imagine that. Me, 3 little boys, ( 2 of which are known for waking at the crack of dawn on a good day) and 2 teenage girls - who have only seen the early morning because they haven't been to bed yet, certainly not because they get up early. I was ready for the dawn chorus.....but missed it, I fell asleep ( get this) at 11.30 pm and woke up briefly for a wee around 4am ( amazed that I had already been asleep 4.5 hours and it was still around the time I normally get to sleep) I was a tad squished because both Seth AND Isaac were asleep beside me, and went back to sleep straight away. At 8am I woke again. EIGHT O'CLOCK......where am I? Where is H? Uh oh....WHERE ARE THE BUGGLETS?!?!?
Well, H is in Paris, I was in heaven and the boys? They were downstairs, being looked after by Seth aged 6 and 1 week, who had decided that he was my helper and had found clothes and dressed not only himself but Isaac and Elijah as well. He had also fed them all breakfast ( breakfast bars, yoghurt and pringles ....well 2 out of 3 ain't bad!)
I absolutely steadfastly refuse to imagine what could have happened had they decided to choose other activities. Life is too short.
I praised the boy to high heaven and told him that the activity of the day was his choice, absolutely were we at his mercy. He made a great choice. He chose the birds of Prey sanctuary at a local garden centre. We went with grandma and Auntie Leah and saw all the birds he hoped to see. He was giddy with excitement to learn that the Perigrin Falcon is the fastest creature on the planet . 200 miles an hour can they travel. Amazing, we saw one. He held a barn owl, even though he was very afraid.





Another treat was to have his hair cut at the barbers....Eli did as well but Isaac, no thankyou, it's a no go , he'll suffer mummy and the blunt clippers rather than let a stranger touch him, he shuddered at the very idea and stiffened and even screamed when I thought I might be able to sit him on the stool and charm him through a really good cut. Darn it. Will have to cut it myself.

I am increasingly amazed that I did this single parent deal for 10 years. Granted, I was much younger in those days but heavens to betsy it so isn't fun doing it all!! No, I take that back..some of it IS fun, I kind of like the challenge , I really like the satisfaction but ack ....... it is SO hard!
The days seem so much longer . I am very used to being able to duck out on my own if there is something we need, taking three little people with me on every errand is exhausting. Watching three little boys running in three different directions is beyond taxing.
I miss H. I hope he is having a great time in Paris but I want him home!! I miss his quick wit, I miss hearing his gentle snore and listening to him breathe at night. There's a gap where he belongs and a sink full of dishes in the kitchen.
Tomorrow who knows what we will do, I'm sure it will be fun and I know it will be loud and it will be a happy day because it is the last one before daddy comes home. Seth said as he went to bed that he is a helper again tomorrow...HOORAH!

Hi ho, Hi ho...it's off to ( update at 5am!)

Paris they go...... at 4am in the morning. I will run them to the local airport and come back here to spend some time with my big girl who I have missed, because she hasn't been here and we will have a girls night in. It might kill me because she talks, a lot, without taking breath. She also likes girlie stuff. I am so disinterested in all that jazz that really my name should be Barry, or Troy or something very ungirlie. But tomorrow, because when I sort of casually mentioned it might be nice if she came home, to me, for a day or 3, she leapt with excitement and has called twice to see what time she should be here to begin our girls night in. Tomorrow I shall buy face packs and hair colours and stuff like that and I might even let her wax my upper lip if I am feeling very brave.
I only have one girl child and she's pretty much a woman child now. She was a hard work and bit insane teeny girl child and it was all I could do to not sell her to the gypsies or petition for the re-opening of the workhouse when she was growing up.
As a preteen I would actually have given her to the gypsies and thrown in a year's supply of valium.
Her early teens are a blur of breath holding and praying for guidance, patience, tolerance, endurance, and several other 'ances'. Where I strongly considered leaving home to join the gypsies myself leaving her to live my life because darn it if she obviously had all the answers that I lacked.
She hit 17 and dear, sweet life if she didn't sort of become a bit nice overnight. She will never be calm, or demure, she has a gob on her like a fog horn but she is really the dearest girl. I am eternally grateful that I had her and even more grateful that she is the only girl. I am still holding my breath because she IS 17, not 27 and happily and securely married to a kind and gentle man with slight hearing loss and infinite patience.
I can do one evening of fluff and preening, listen to the details of her life because in this day and age it could be considered a miracle that she wants to tell me. People all around me smile at her because she is so open and honest when she could be sneaky and underhand. She is an open book and one that has you turning the pages at a breathtaking speed, with one eye shut because you're a bit afraid of what you're about to read.
So, no visitors, no husband but a Sophie....balance about right then. 3 days until the travellers return. I wonder if I can get anywhere close to sorting this house out in that time.
Grandpa is a hoarder, my kitchen is filled with sachets of ketchup, mustard, sugar, sweeteners. There are various bags of things all over the side in there....cakes and scones and more cakes and cookies that no-one will eat but he keeps buying. I try to syphon things away but its like the magic porridge pot, as fast as I get rid of it, it gets replaced.
There is drama with Jose and lovely Kara but that's not my tale to tell. Suffice to say that a pony kicked Jose yesterday, hard enough to leave it's hoof print on his knee...I am wishing it's aim had been a bit higher. Does that say enough?
Seth is a bit of a monster having had an overload of attention, sugar and activity. I am looking forward to some calm time over the next few days.
Isaac is Isaac whatever happens, whoever is here, I really like that.
Elijah is hysterical and more and more showing his personality.
At Widecombe yesterday he was a stinker, jumped in the bowls of water left for dogs to drink..when questioned on the correctness of such an action he said
" oh, never mind" thumbed towards a random passer by and then " that man let me off" !!!
Seth is into teasing, he will say to Isaac
" Isaac hates Spiderman" and Isaac will howl and protest " I DON'T I DON'T!!!"
Seth said to Eli ( in that sing song voice that teasers and taunters adopt)
"Eli hates lions" ( which he loves, with a passion)
Eli replied ( in matching sing songy voice)
" Seff hates dobermans" ( Seth's passion is dogs at the moment and if Eli had only managed to say Beagle in place of doberman he would have caused an uproar)
Gobsmacked silence, then guffaws from all grown ups and even a begrudging smirk from Seth. You've met your match Sethmeister, watch out boy!

I didn't take any pictures today, except for a few of the black swans at Dawlish. I took them with my cell phone because I am almost bored of taking pictures and so left my camera at home. I ad forgotten about them until right now, so they aren't downloaded. Sorry. ( actually I'm not, but it seemed polite to say I am)
I may take pictures tomorrow, who can tell. If I do, you will get to see them, you can bank on that.

I just came back from the airport....3 of the happy travellers are on their way to Paris, the 4th, Jose is still here, he didn't go...poor Kara. He is going home today.

Haytor and Widecombe in the moor.

This feels like being on the top of the world........





Jose got a hard kick right in the knee from one of these ponies...OUCH!!










Look at my sweet baby, amongst the pretty flowers, right before he stamped in the bowl of water meant for dogs....




And we did....we had one.....oh yes indeed, and it was good....I did it just for you because you all said you would have to have a cream tea. I shared one with H....did at least stop myself having the whole thing!!

I am taking that as a compliment.

I was just walking back from taking lunch to Sophie at her work, minding my own business and making a call to Leah on my cell phone. Out of nowhere came a young man who thrust something at me, a card....and invitation.
TO A FOAM PARTY!! Yes, a party whereby young slips of things go, wearing very little at all and while they dance they are sprayed with foam. It is fun, for youngsters who want to show their bosoms through wet t-shirts ( I'm told)
My day is made, my ego is flattered, I am positive they weren't thrusting said invites into the faces of just any old body, only towards people who look like they might like a bit of foam sprayed on them on a saturday night in August.
Maybe he saw my hot pink trendy for young things cell phone as I dialled my sisters number, he thought " look at that young thing there, she would love to be amongst like minded flipperty gibbits gyrating in frothy wet stuff, we MUST invite her.
He didn't know I was in the middle of making a chicken saag for 9, with naan bread, mango chutney and poppadums. He quite obviosuly thought I was merely killing time making calls to my miriad of young friends to see what they would be wearing on our night out on the town.
Actually, I am pretty darn pleased that I am out of all that milarky. I have noticed something quite devastating lately. If this had been the case when I was out on the prowl for a man ( as if, you can you imagin it? I found my man on line, safe in the comfort of my dad's study because I didn't know about computers and was checking something for my sister. I was pretty sure I would never meet the kind of man I was waiting for in a night club...how right I was, mine was in the comfort of his dad's house waiting for me, Hoorah.
Anyway, one thing I was always sure would be quite high on my list of must haves in a man, was a good bottom. A big old hard bum to squeeze and look at it nice trousers.
WHERE HAVE ALL THE GOOD BUMS GONE?
Poor Sophie and the like, nothing but a world of flat arses in baggy pants. Not a good buttock to be seen, drooled over or found. So missing are the good bottoms that jeans are unable to stay up these days, droopy, empty baggy things hanging low.....whilst the women / girls have the mens share of bum.
The men have lost it and the women have found it, it is popping out of low cut jeans everywhere I turn, bum crack galore, not an iota of shame, to match the bums hanging out of the girls jeans seems to be an expanse of wobbling belly. Now my belly wobbles ( as well it might after 6 children) but I don't heave it up over the top of my jeans and show the world. It certainly wasn't wobbly a a teenager and if it had been I am sure, fashionable or not, I would have kept it tucked inside out of harms way. Who decided that this was a good look? Where are they? It is not nice. Really, it's not. Sad then that this particular fashion seems to be lasting as long as the thong one, fat bottoms escaping out of not only jeans but dental floss type underwear. Have mercy on my eyes.
I am very happy that my husband was born in a time when men had good hard bottoms that are covered in trousers that stay up and show just what a man's bum should look like, life just wouldn't be worth living for me if my husband had a flat bum that didn't fill his pants. No, not at all. I shall skip the foam party and stay at home to look at my H's bum. Perfect saturday night for me.

A little further afield.

Today we went to Exmouth...and saw a train, "ooh look!" said mummy, " A train!"
"Rubbish" said Seth and Isaac, " it's just a tractor under there"
Such synicism so young, I was quite excited by the train, that didn't need tracks. I persuaded H and Seth to pose, H is holding Seth because I think he wanted to run, and not pose by such a rubbish tractor who ought to know it isn't a train. Look, its NICE isn't it?





Elijah still has some sweetness left, he shows us how he can do backflips. In his new Simpsons belt that he bought, brand new from a shop. He likes to tell people " I bought nat" and then from where. " from a carbootsalefiftypee" He also has a 'bran-newfrommashop' scoobydooshirt, Spoiled brat.

He is more than a tiny bit in love with auntie Kara, but as uncle Jose ( or mister Jose as Isaac calls him) only arrived at 4am this morning and is taking some of auntie Kara's attention from the boy, he is less than sure of what to think.


He kisses her, old loose lips. A lot.




See this slide? ...I wanted to go down this, really wanted to and I could have. I didn't have a miserable voice muttering in my head that fat, stupid people like me don't go down fun slides, how stupid would you look going down there? You'd get stuck, idiot.....Not even a whisper, the voice is gone. Good riddance.
I didn't go down it though, this time.
The boys did though and insisted I take pictures. Cool. I didn't care what I looked like as I lay down in front of the slide either....even cooler.






I like company, especially my own.
I love to be with people and I love them leaving me alone!
I find it frustrating that no-one can understand that if I say "hey why don't you go out for lunch/ dinner/ a walk/ the movies, I'll be fine here. I will keep the boys. I mean it. It's my way of saying " hey go away, my head needs space, I can't talk to you anymore for a while, come back later and I will be happy, happy but right now I might snarl and bite if you don't stop talking to me. RARGHHHHH!

If I am left alone for 30 minutes so I can turn my home into a place I want to be, instead of a crapheap of gargantuan proportions, my soul is calmed.
If I can have 30 minutes of not speaking, not thinking about making people comfortable, I am delightful and sociable and pleasant.
If I am kept company and talked to ( at) constantly my whole being jangles, my mind screams and my body panics.
Children are so glorious because they just love you the way you are, they accept the eccentricities without question. they expect nothing but honesty and kindness. Why do people have to grow up and start being grown ups?? Kids are cool.

(Photobucket went down while I was downloading, I will try and post more pictures later.)

Am tired....very tired......

...and happy, definately happy. Am done with birthdays til March next year, shall start christmas shopping soon, very soon but for now am happy there are no more birthdays ........ this one was happy, he will be 21 tomorrow but today he was with us and we had lunch in a lovely Pizza Cafe, which is next door to Sophie's work, so we took her a pizza into work, we ate...came home and ate....feel sikc, am going back to rigid being nice to my body rght now.....I don't like junk food anymore, I don't enjoy cake......I LOVE THAT!!
Pictures, no more words....just pictures.
The sweet boy you may not recognise is Shawn, I like him. Phew.



hmmm said grandpa, what shall I have?

Seth the stuff face.

Sophie, at work, pretending to be shy, as if!!

a trick with straws.

a better trick with straws.

Happy Birthday my boy!

A magic trick by Isaac who was on top form and astouded many of us by being the centre of attention all day.....imagine that!!!

So, It’s one of those days…lots to tell, make time to tell it, 3 times computer crashes while almost at posting point. Grrrrrrr she growls, am just too flustered to do this right now.
Brother in law is coming tomorrow, he misses Kara and so is coming, here, to this house, that once upon a time looked like this…..





But now looks like this…….





Dan is coming tomorrow because he is going to be 21. TWENTY ONE. My boy, my son, a man.
So I have cleaning to do, cake to make ( no eggs, ack, no eggs ,damn, will have to make cake tomorrow), as well as blow balloons, clean house, catch children, be nice to husbands, rearrange bedrooms, strip beds, remake beds.

I will tell you about Paris another day, when I haven’t got a house to clean, which will be never but there will be a day when I don’t clean it because it won’t matter that it looks like hell’s charity shop on clearance day. One day it won’t matter because all the children will be in school all day and I will know that I have 8 hours to clean it, so the evening before I will write and relax and say “who cares?” and sit amidst chaos without a care in the world , and you can bet your bottom dollar that someone will come to visit, they do that don’t they? (Oooh good tip, when you need to clean but just can’t manage to muster the enthusiasm, when you feel that someone will call and see just how filthy and slovenly you are, get the vacuum, plug it in near the front door and go and sit down with a cup of something hot and a cake, even a magazine. If someone calls, you open the door and say “ oh I am So sorry, look I am in the middle of cleaning, I have turned everything out and haven’t started putting it back yet” In a high pitched flustered voice, and they will believe you….just don’t take them into the room with the cup, cake and magazine……don’t do that.)

So, It is now 00.29 and I have so much to do……pictures galore tomorrow. I promise.

Oh but LOOK....some pictures now, H took them and I am all hot and sweating because I was running around being me, busy and doing a hundred things at once, but look ...see...I saw them and thought NORMAL, like Julie in her pictures, impossible to explain how it feels after 22 years to see a picture that doesn't make me want to put a bucket on my head and hide behind a very big tree......



And my eyes are shut and I am pulling a face but hey....I'm upright, that counts for something, right? When did that person next to me get so tall??? I thought the Sophie girl was still shorter than me, she must be about 5' 9" now...and that body? It is scarey to be the mother of someone with a body like that. I made that body......what was I thinking???

One of those moments......

I had one of those moments that come to us rarely ( and thankfully so) A moment where time is frozen, where you are force to ponder the 'what if's' the likes of which bloggers are eternally thankful even while the normal person within is so mortified that it is rendered speechless.

I am SO tired, normally an insomniac, used to less than 4 hours sleep a night, I keep myself functioning by snagging nap with the boy mid day.
We have been having such a blast and travelling so far and wide ( I have to stop with the fish and chips / ice cream before I begin to personally travel wider again!!) and being the only English driver amongst us, no naps, not even a cat one.
Kara got home at around midnight last night ( what time do you call THIS young lady?) from her date and we sat and chatted and laughed ( in that late night girlie kind of way that was apparantly loud enough to keep H awake til 2am, although he didn't let us know as he could hear we were having fun) so to sleep at 4am...awake for the day at 7am.....you can imagine how zippy and sharp I am on day 7.
Oh well, we're having fun.
Today, after birthday celebrations of the beagle variety, beginning with gifts and ending with more gifts and cake, with various activities like this




Which left some people looking like this



(It is a sign of true love when your wife actually hitches up your shirt a little and then takes a photograph of how funny your wet bottom looks).

Anyhoo, we got home, ate dinner cooked by myself, of shepherds pie and cabbage, ate cake , and I had to have a shower, a nice early shower and wash my hair, heaven.....ready for bed.
I got my comfy PJs on and then wandered around getting little boys PJs ready, tidying bedrooms, collecting a bedtime nappy for the Eli boy who any year now will really use the potty, every time, all day..... Ahhhhh, heavy legs, downstairs to begin the bedtime routine. Halfway downstairs I froze when I noticed that actually I was only half ready for bed as I had forgotten to put on my pyjama bottoms!!
There followed a superfast dash to my bedroom to rectify said situation, while I alternately snorted with mirth, froze with horrified mortification at the possibility of NOT having realised and ......oh yegads.... actually having cheerfully charged into the front room in all my half clad glory.
Would they have told me? Would I have done all that child preparation and then discovered my plight after all the bending and goosestepping over toys and shoes, only knowing what I had done when my bottom hit the cool leather chair? I bet they wouldn't have told me, Perhaps H would have taken a picture and even started his own blog just to bask in the reflected glory of such a golden blogging scoop?
I'm afraid the whole thing has left me questioning cora's premonition of my still having all my marbles in my 90's......not even halfway there yet and I am wandering around having forgotten my trousers, what in heavens name will the future bring?!?!?

What the Gypsy said.....( added to day out post)

We had fun ....REAL fun......in Plymouth, the place where the pilgrims fathers left, you know, from here....




these very steps.....




There were fish and chips, by the harbour ( which I ate because it would be churlish not too but I counted them in and will eat accordingly all day....

And Jordan came too.....

And then Kara and I left the scared ' ooooh not ME' people and we went to see .....



which was SO fabulous and he was SO amazing and he knew me..and H..and my children. I am excited about what he said and although I don't think for a minute we should live by what these people tell us, I believe they have a gift, I think we can have fun and sometimes get some sort of confirmation that what he are doing is right, or not. I will come back and tell you what he said when the boys are asleep and all is quiet.

and we walked streets like this, with homes and restaurants like this.....




and we saw the sea and ate ice cream in the sun, which came out eventually.



there was the park and go-carts and swings and bouncy castles and much laughing and joy.

So, this is what Acora said.....

He looked at my palm and said

" wow, what a lifeline, you'll make old bones, very old, in your 90's, and you'll keep all your marbles, no putting you in a home, ever. Hmmmm, great lifeline, crap marriage line.

This man, he's there, he's a good man, he loves you and he is a very loyal man but man, you want to stick a rocket up his arse sometimes don't you? He forgets you are his wife, thinks of you as his childrens' mother and it's almost like he is a brother, not a lover.

He'll never leave you, you can trust him with your life and if he says something, he means it, he'll never say he is going somewhere and go somewhere else, he truly loves you. He's very hard to live with though isn't he, at times?

You, you're young..up here ( points to my head) you're still in your twenties, your kids keep you young, you say every day " let's do this, go here, do that" you want out and to go and do things...your husband, no, he stays home.

Kids...I see you have had a loss...how many kids do you have? ( 6) I see 2 that really stand out, 4 are just regular kids, like you and me..the other 2. You have 3 older ones, 3 much younger ones..the older ones, they're gone, grown, doing their own thing, don't need you but you're still there. God you are a good mother, a great mother. They know this, they know you are always there for them and that they are your life. Your whole life is for these children.

The 3 little ones, they will be around you for longer, in these 3 there is one that is a genius, this child's brain is astounding, he knows things, he learns everything, remembers everything. He'll go far -he'll fly. He will use his mind and you'll see him go far. He talks like an older person, you hear him speak and know what a mind he has.

Another one is beautiful, really stunning, everyone looks at him. He could be a model. You'll ask him what 2 + 2 is and he'll say " what do I care?" and comb his hair.He'll laugh. He will have people surround him and love him, he'll go far, his personality and looks will take him wherever he wants to go.

You are spiritual, really spiritual but lately you have been saying " if there is a God, why has He forsaken me? Why has all this happened to me?" It's been so hard but look, look at you now, look how strong you are, nothing crushed you, it's done, it's over, you've beaten it. You are so strong and all I see now is good.

You're like me, you see things, you know things, you look at people and never take what you hear, you can look and know that person and no matter what you have been told you know the truth. Someone can have people follow them and say how great they are and you'll look and think "huh, I wouldn't trust him for a second" You'll get invitations and know if people are sincere, that's your best friend . Dont ignore it, use it.

You have something that I don't have..you can heal, you will touch people and know if they are going to be Ok and you'll tell them, you'll hold their hand and tell them not to worry and they will get well. this will get stronger as you get older, use it and don't be afraid of it. Its a gift.

You will never go without, you're canny, if you need something you can always get it , you'll never know want.

You will have luck though. In the 3rd month ...march, in march someone will ask you to sign something, when you sign it you will think " your loss is my gain" and you'll know you will always be Ok..when this happens come and see me, tell me because it is going to great, I love it when people come back and tell me I was right. I am right, it's coming to you.

You live in a big house, a great house. Its perfect for you right now but as the kids leave you will look around and say " what do I need all this for" and you'll move, to be near water, not the town you are in now ( and he named it) I don't like that town ,too much gossip, people looking through windows minding others' business..you'll move and it will be a bungalow, bedroom here, kitchen there, bathroom there, all on one level. You'll know it and that's where you will be. Always looking after yourself.

You'll work later..as the kids get older but you'll be saying " Jean come here, do this! Mary go there!" You'll be in charge, you'll be the supervisor not just a worker.

I really want to tell you that things are all good now...the bad is done and it has made you who you are and you are great. there will be luck and I want you to know all this and come and tell me when you know I am right.

How cool is that???? So may spot on points, lots of good stuff...thins to look forward to and a feeling that he is right, that the bed is done and I can go on.

I am off to have a happy day with my genius child, who is 6 today, who wants to be a Beagle for the day.

his every wish is my command.

He didn't want a shop bought cake ( yikes) he wanted a beagle cake ( double yikes)

I am a good mother...I made this, it is pathetic but he loves it...I had to eat chocolate frosting that was stuck to my fingers and chocolate buttons that fell into my mouth, I managed not to eat the chocolate cake cut off bits...but the day is yet young. I think birthday cake made at midnight isn't fattening, I think God said that.

Busy day...

So no post as such ...just a picture to warm the cockles.




Oh...see that remote like thingy in Seth's hand, that was a listening device, you hit a button and got to hear the details of the particular part of the baths you were looking at....H managed to drop his, in the water, PLOP..sink, bubble. HA HA HA HA!!!

Boys have five knees.

Boys have five knees.
Left knee, right knee,
2 Kidneys
And a weenie.

As taught by grandpa to Seth. Grandpas are for sure the greatest gift to a little boy.

Get thee behind me Satan

Please bow down to my strength, not a morsel passed my lips, even though the scones were made not steps from my home, this very morning, the jam is dead posh stuff with huge lumps of strawberries and the cream, well the cream makes your eyes roll up in head and a hummimg sound come from so deep inside your heart does a shimmy.

oh I forgot this one.....

This is a picture I snapped in Dan's back garden, his flat is right on this beautiful river. I am so proud of this boy I could burst.
I just kept looking at him yesterday and wondering at who he is.



When we were having lunch I said to him " just look at you, living here with no mummy or daddy or no-one, just grown up and stuff" When he was a little boy he wanted to know where I was every minute of every day, if I was out he would call everyone I knew to see if I was there and ask when I would be home.
He was scared of so many things, wouldn't go upstairs on his own.......and I just look at him now, and SMILE!