Not this one but the next one.

I'm not going to Canada this weekend.
I am also not going to Japan or New Zealand.
I have always written journals, since I was about 7 or 8, fascinating they were too. How sad that every single one was lost in the move to the USA.
My sister read my journal once and I heard her shrieking with laughter at one of my entries.
"Mum didn't go to London today"
She was crying with laughter and said " Quick! write that I didn't go to Scotland today!!" It made me laugh too because darned if I could remember if mum was supposed to have gone to London that day or whether I was just happy she had stayed at home. Like she ever went anywhere without us anyway. She'd have had a job, I was so convinced that if she went anywhere without me she would die and I would be left half an orphan that I would have the biggest and most annoying meltdowns if she even put her coat on, until I was 15 and then we seemed to avoid each other like the plague.
When I was 16, she had a baby, Leah, which made me think she was quite clever ( if not completely embarrassing because ewwwww, we know how babies are made and she REALLY didn't ought to still be doing *that* at her age, she was 40 which is ancient to still be doing such things. I had my last baby at 41, obviously my feelings on that issue changed.)
So, I am not going to Japan or New Zealand at the weekend and I can say with all honesty that I am not the least bit disturbed by that.
Canada though, that's a little more depressing.
Lots of my imaginary friends are headed to Canada this weekend for a few days of pelvic floor destroying laughter, shopping, eating out and in hotel shenanigans. Many of said friends are no longer imaginary and have proven themselves to be actual, real people who are even more splendid in real life than they are on a computer screen, which seems impossible but really, they are.
Others are new imaginary friends that I have never met, who make me laugh and who brighten my day, without fail every day.
I am sad not to be meeting so many lovely people and joining in with the hilarity and fun, however, even though online I am 'in your face' and love to be the center of attention, in real life a crowd has been known to make me cry and bolt from the room in a hideous display of hyperventilation. This meetup is a huge gathering of like minded souls, I am telling myself that should I go, I would more than likely embarrass myself by turning into a gasping for air neurotic heap at the sight of so many funny, beautiful and together people. I know my limits and think that deciding to opt for a glorious trip to Boston in October rather than joining in this meetup in Canada was a wise move for me.
I am beyond excited to see pictures of all the goings on, will be waiting on the edge of my seat for pictures of each and every hysterical moment, am certainly going to keep my phone with me so I can hear the laughter and speak with those ladies I adore and the ones I haven't yet met and feel almost as excited as the women who are attending.
I am thrilled for Jenn and Julie, who have driven often the 10 hours to Boston in order to enjoy the inexplicable bonding of women when we meet up there. This time they don't have to drive anywhere but to the airport and wait with those ever welcoming arms and cheery words as their friends arrive, one by one and sometimes in twos. I think I know just how they feel because next year, Cathy, Brian, Matthew and Jenn are coming HERE, actually flying over here to spend some time and go to Jordan and Mel's wedding. I know how wonderful it feels to know people love you enough to beat flying fears and risk jet lag just so that they can be with you.
I am imagining how all those ladies for whom this will be the first meetup will be feeling, I do envy them that feeling of meeting people who, up til now have just been a picture on a screen and realising just how wonderful it is to actually see those people in the flesh.
I came away from the very first Boston meetup feeling almost stunned and speechless that women from all over the world can come together and feel real friendship. We all felt the same, we were high for a long time after that experience and it certainly took a while to come back down to earth.
Lifelong friendships were made in that Hotel, I am forever grateful that I fought the fear of flying to attend that gathering.
I am so happy not to be flying that it levels out the disappointment at missing out on the fun ( almost, not quite if I am honest but almost)
It's a mere 7 weeks until Sophie and I fly to Boston, I am astounded at the fact that I am not yet worried about the flight, I think knowing how quickly the time passes and also that Boston airport is a nice friendly airport that I am now familiar with helps. I feel like an old hand with that trip now, international traveller that I have become!
This time it is just Sophie and I with Cathy, we will meet up with Sara, Colleen and Jamie for dinner and perhaps shopping, we are going to New York for a shopping trip too. Very exciting indeed.
This weekend though is all about waiting for updates and enjoying via the computer all the fun that Canada will be enjoying. I have the popcorn ready and my phone charged.....this is going to be one worth watching and hearing about, there are some funny funny women all about to come together in one place. Watch out Toronto, you have no idea what you are about to experience.
I won't be there this time but the next one has my name on it.

That had me stumped for a moment.

Today was a long day, an interminably long day. Actually it didn't rain, it was humid and gray and threatened to rain but it didn't actually rain. We still stayed in all day apart from a trip to the library with H and a shorter than short trip to Asda for me. It is the very last day of 4 weeks of self imposed poverty. I am so glad it is at an end, we held our breath paid off what money we owed for my splendid trip to Boston to get it all out of the way and then we endured 4 weeks of getting on with it.
It is enormously satisfying to me to do that every now and then but the novelty wears off very quickly and I can tell you I am very ready to go shopping and take the boys out for the day knowing that we can even buy an ice cream, should we so desire.
However, today was a day of having £11 to buy the few bits we needed to get through today, weather not good enough to risk the park so we stayed in. By 11am I was ready to climb the walls but we did that the other day didn't we? Isaac came in with a minuscule blister on the palm of his hand and that's when the fun began. No band aid was going to stick to his sweaty little hand, so he brought a bandage......oh the fun we had, we found many bandages and 3 little boys had head, arms, legs and feet bandaged.
I have, from so many years ago a diploma in orthopaedic nursing, 2 years from the age of 17-19 had me living in a nurses home and working on the wards of Mouth Gould Hospital. I have so many great memories of my time as a student nurse. I made friends there and one is still my friend, through our teens and weddings, births of our children, divorces, losing parents, you name it, we've seen it together.
I left nursing after the 2 years and many times I have regretted leaving, even now I wonder about ho life would be if I had continued with my training and gone on to do general nursing, I met the first one on the train ride to interview for my general training...and I married him instead. No point in spending too much time wondering how things might have been, I am what I am, my life is what it is and there really aren't too many regrets.
I can still remember many things I learned in those 2 years, I could still give an injection, an enema ( though would certainly refuse the opportunity to do that one thankyou, oh the memories I have of giving a 'high, hot and hellava lot' with rubber tubing and a funnel) I remember many of the classes we had, the fun we had in the evenings when we off duty. I also remember how to bandage. I was pretty good with an elastic bandage and one class we had was to learn, specifically, to bandage stumps, amputees. Who knows why that class sticks in my mind so vividly except the mirth involed. We practised by bending our arms, putting our hand on our shoulder and bandaging the bent elbow.....let me tell you, when that arm is bandaged like that and then you put on a T-shirt, it looks exactly like a stump. We laughed at ourselves until we were hoarse. We were so freaked out by how realistic it looked and we all had to have our arms bandaged that way and we all learned how to do it. 28 years on, I still remember how to do it....


See? They thought it was as funny as I did all those years ago. They can't wait for halloween because they are so going to dress up and freak people out.
They loved the head bandages the best and had long moments of hysteria by bending their ears all out of whack.
Right as that photograph was taken, Seth pointed his stumpy arm at me and said in a whistly old man voice " You haven't been in many battles have you sonny?" which pretty much was the undoing of us all.


So thumbs up for any idea that keeps boredom away but oh, I am so pleased we can get out and put petrol in the car and fill a few hours outside the house tomorrow, if the sun shines as well we won't call the queen our cousin, we'll be happy as Larry ( who we like so much more than that Pete, whose sake we exclaim over so often)

In case your stomach is a little turned by the previous pictures, here's one to settle it again, how beautiful is this little man of mine?

Oh look! Today we have...

I know, what's the with the pictures? It's a phase, humour me because it's such FUN. I have time on my hands, I am seeing just how much time I spent over at babyzone and now, well I have a clean and shiny home, folded laundry and a song in my heart , also, time.
Bearing a grudge is so not me, try as I may my attention span and memory are pants so I forget. All is well.
This morning we had a chat with the little people, we explained that the behavior we have been seeing lately, the answering back, is going to stop. I am weary of my own voice, despite my blogging last night about my tantrum and bad temper and throwing in the humour. I really don't enjoy losing my temper. With the years of arguing with Sophie, with the endless fighting and the horrendous language we have been subjected too, I am frozen with the fear of having to relive anything like that with the boys, Seth is very like his sister in his ability to say exactly the wrong thing, with the wrong tone of voice at the wrong time and he has the added touch of being incredibly bright and hitting the spot every time. He is like a terrier with a rat and will argue and row and keep on and on. If we let him.
So we are not letting him. I explained that from now on, where respect for H and I are concerned, they don't get any warnings, if they are rude, disrespectful or answer back, something goes. Without a second chance. This is something that will ALWAYS be, no matter how old they are they will speak to us politely and they will listen to us, if they don't they will have something precious taken away, be it time on the computer or listening to the iPod, I am tired of shouting and bargaining, asking and expecting, from now on I will remind and then go in for the kill. It worked today with Seth, he missed the weekly trip to Torquay and when he tried again with the answering back....I simply said " remember, this is how it is, you either listen and you think or you accept the consequences, the consequence to any answering back is going to be no basketball today, I am done discussing it, think and make your choice" and he very begrudgingly did what he had been told to do...without a word, wow!
Also H had a brain wave ( lovely H, he is such a great husband, did I tell you that lately? ) when it was time to clean thier rooms before we went on the weekly trip to the £1 store and for lunch, H said " Back to front day! Seth is going to clean Isaac and Eli's room and they will do Seth's room. Let's go!"
They loved it, shutting themselves into the others rooms " NO! You can't come in! It's not DONE!"
Then there was much " HEY! look what we did in YOUR room!" and " yeah but see how clean YOUR room is!" I think we'll have them do our room next week, they did a remarkably splendid job.



At the £1 shop( where everything is a £1 and every week we go and LOOK! WOW! buy TWO! and when I am in the states and hit a $1 store..pitiful because $1 !!!! That's FIFTY PEEEE....buy FOUR! ) Anyway if they didn't have a tape thing that you can plug your iPOd into and then put in your tape player in the car and WHOOPPPEEEEEE we have iPod music, in the CAR, the dear little car that was free and costs half what the mini van cost to tax which is great because it needs taxing on thursday ( I kid you not, I just typed thursday completely backwards..what? How did I do that?? My brain is either very fast or very backward) and so Isaac and I went to buy some last minute bits for tomorrow, with windows open and we listened to Little Richard almost as loud as it would go, we had Chuck Berry and we sang 'til we were hoarse.


In fact, even with petrol at £1.07 a litre which is about $9 a gallon, we threw caution to the wind and we just drove and drove and sang and drove and we hardly wanted to come home. But we did. Then we had to go out again because we forgot something and Eli came too. Fun, that's that that was, just fun.

And although I would love to claim credit for this...it is purely accidental that Ollie and Stan are dancing in time to Little Richard!

I do believe I am done.

With the exception of that last minute insanity tomorrow, I am done. If it isn't ready now, then it's going to have to go undone.
For 3 weeks, THREE weeks. I do not have to ...

Take to or collect from school.
Buy a single loaf of bread, roll of toilet paper or boring every day stuff.
Not one doctors appt ( please Lord)
Collect or drop of a single prescription.
Take any phone calls.
Make any phone calls.
Vacuum.
Make a bed ( well the last 10 days I will, but 11 nights I get my bed made for me)
Clean a toilet.
Wash a dish.
Pay a bill.
Cook dinner.
Make breakfast.
Think of what to have for lunch ( Oh look where we are, lets eat here! Oh the joy!)
Clear the table.
Put the bins out.
Sort the recycling.
Pay $9 a gallon for petrol.
Think about, prepare or give a lesson at church ( thankyou Gemma for taking over for me)
Buy food for Christmas.

I will be:

Window shopping and even buying things, like clothes for ME.
Getting my hair cut ( maybe, if I want to because it's all about what I want you know)
Going to Disneyland.
Christmas shopping.
Eating out every day.
Having a cooked breakfast in the hotel when I am ready.
Sleeping.
Visiting lovely people.
Driving a posh car rented by Grandpa ( scary but cool)
Using free shuttles to fun places.
Going to Target and buying ziplock bags because they are £4 a box here and no plastic bag is worth that.
Going to the 99c store and getting excited because THAT IS LIKE 50P!!!!!
Buying cool stuff for my people.
Looking and buying baby things for my grandbaby because I am going to be a NANA soon.
Sleeping some more.
Eating some more because ..well because food halls, Dairy Queen, Wetzel Pretzel, Pizza, Home Town buffet ( you maybe have to live in England and try eating out here to get the absolute JOY of home town buffet!)
Getting re-fills on every drink I have whilst eating out, in England you pay for one drink, you get ONE drink. ( Jordan NEVER got over the thrill of a refill, he never left a fast food place until he had a bucket sized bladder filled with 3 gallons of pop, I think Isaac may be the same.)
I really hope that I will do much smiling and enjoying, the yelling and snarling has made me beyond weary, this whole year has been so hard I think we need every day of the next 3 weeks to recover.
I hope that I have done everything we need. I hope we have the best time and come back ready and able to face 2008. Next year has so much to look forward to. new baby ( without the loss of sleep and having to actually push it out, how fabulous is that?)
I hope to find a new house with different landlord, or even push the council to help us, that's been on the back burner until we get back.I know that with the extra time we will have with the Eli boy in full time school the chances for change are huge.
I am praying for this holiday to just give me some strength back, at the very least some joy back.
I am taking my laptop but actually sort of hope that I am too busy and too tired from having fun to use it much. I will try and update, it might just be more of a photo album than anything else though!
So, wish us well and we'll think of you as we relish every day of this trip.
3 weeks and we'll be back....will you miss me?

When I was a lass, why we didn't have soft pumpkins to carve

So, I caved. On the party, I really thought I had managed to not do it, felt sort of smug and phew about it, can't afford it, can't be bothered, H still poorly. No party. Phew.
This morning, Isaac kept reminding me that it is monday, homenight day ( one day a week when we make sure no-one is busy, quick lesson of some description, activity and a treat. They love it, mondays are happy and today he seemed extra excited about it. After the 5th reminder that it was homenight tonight I said " you really love homenight don't you my boy?"
"Yes, and tonight, for our activity we are putting up ALL the halloween decorations"
Groan.
So, we're doing it, let's do a little party I said. Just a few people. 3 families, perfect. Make some phone calls and H said " we really should invite the kids in our classes" ( 15 total) Good idea " and their siblings because we should be fair" Uh huh. ( it is as well that some siblings are quite old because the siblings of the kids in our class......that's a LOT, one little girl has 12 siblings ( some married though so that's OK and the others are so divine, who wouldn't want them at our party and anyway I already called the mum)
So, I called my friend and said " How about the girls come over and help decorate for the party?" WHOOHOO! I just adore girls that are old enough to do stuff but young enough to still be REALLY enthusiastic about it. I got me 3 of those and a boy and a boy's mum who sat with me in a completely different room and chatted. Heaven.
I gave them the flat, totes full of decorations, some cardboard, 15 metres of black PVC material , pins and tape and said " DO whatever you like!" They had a blast. I did nothing and it looks great!


The lounge will be the pumpkin room, we did some of that but the rest on weds.
Everyone is bringing a plate of goodies, we're set.
H had little boys in the kitchen carving pumpkins that, when carved looked like afore mentioned little boys because ISAAC LOST A TOOTH TODAY, oh I have 2 little boys with gappy gobs, could I be more blessed?


Jane ( my friend) started to talk about when WE were young, we knew each other even then and our mums were friends and would have get togethers while we played ( isn't that the best that now our kids are friends, real friends?) so she started to talk about how we never had pumpkins when we were young, and that's right we didn't I had forgotten that. Halloween really has only just begun to catch on here, when we were young we used to carve TURNIPS! Or rather swedes which I believe are called something incredible like Rutabagas or something. Oh my goodness, can you imagine? It was so HARD, those buggers are solid, no cushy carving jobs did we ever get when we were young, we would scrape and chisel away at those vegetable rocks for hours and hours. Hammer and knives, anything hard and sharp to try and batter some shape into them.
I thought I would piddle myself laughing at the memories of the grunting and shabby results of trying to make a face out of those solid lumps of veg.
What a difference a year makes. H cut and scraped the pumpkins and then just gave the boys one each, I drew a simple face on each and Isaac and Seth carved them. Eli was in on it all and thinks he helped but he was a bit little to do much but sit on the table getting in the way and being delicious.
Isaac is so proud of the Jack O' lanterns....



I am pretty confident that it will be a lovely party, not nearly as grand as last year but every bit as much fun, there have been many requests for the doughnut game.....so we'll do that one but apart from that it'll be a case of kids just doing what kids do, grown ups enjoying some company and food and then home again home again. Happy kids and the Family get the kudos for halloween again. I love being known for having fun and opening our home to people. I also like that now I have almost overcome my hatred of this house and have actually invited people in, they are complimentary....I still feel surprise about that until I remind myself that it probably DOES look quite nice now and it's clean and has us in it. What's not to love??
The more good people we have here, the more fun, the more laughter and joy, the further away those miserable vibes go. It is beginning to be a happier place.

My friends, Romans and countrymen, I give you my boy!

Seth has Roman day tomorrow at school, he has been counting the days because history, it is his thang! He loves it, he reads it, lives it, breathes it.
We have been making his costume for a while ......he looks divine.

Kippers and crabs.

School starts on wednesday. We haven't had any days out this year, we just loved our barn, today I thought that we would take a trip out and enjoy the last chance to holiday it up a bit. We went to Looe, in cornwall which is a splendid place to be. Seaside and fish and chips ( of the most delicious order, perfection in paper, sat on a wall with seagulls threatening to steal from our very hands)

H stayed at home to take delivery of our crunchy gravel order and enjoy some peace and quiet while he spread the gravel and finished up in the garden, also cleaning and tidying inside which was heaven to come home to when we were very tired and stinky.

We picked up Jane, Kate and Billy and off we went.

I love Looe, I grew up around that area and worked right on the seafront as a teenager, piercing ears and engraving china mugs, selling revolting glass fish and other hideous ornaments and souvenirs that somehow become beautiful and collectable when you are on holiday and suffering from overload of sunshine and ice cream.

After a fish and chip lunch, a wander through the town and a play on the beach we took the kids across the bridge and with crablines in hand we went crab fishing. Such fun! Amazing too, to see the difference in personality between Seth and Isaac so glaringly obvious. Isaac, gentle and patient, lowering his line down amongst the dark seaweed and rocks and waiting, when he felt a tug on his line, so slowly and gently and quietly he would lift and THERE! LOOK! A crab.

Seth, competitive and eager, casting the line and then wiggling and pulling and YANK that line and I GOT ONE I GOT ONE!!! Oh...it fell off, MINE WAS BIGGEST.....but it fell off I am going to get another one I GOT ONE! Oh..it fell off.

I took so many pictures, eventually the batteries in my camera died and THEN, then Seth caught the BIGGEST crab, the BEST crab.....

Did we stink when we drove home? Yes, we did indeed. We used great big chunks of smoked kipper as bait, we spent very little and had enormous fun. 3 little boys asleep within minutes of their bath and story.

The outside of the house is looking pretty lovely too, I didn't order quite enough gravel so we will need to pick up a few more bags but what a difference and a gloriously loud crunch to deter any would be breakers in.

Can you believe my rotten tooth is hurting again? All that work with the double root canal and now it has to be pulled, no appointment available until thursday which is a nightmare, so lots of painkillers and a fight against extreme grumpiness until then.

Tomorrow I really have to work on getting straight here, somehow we are more disorganised than when we first moved in. At first we had everything piled up in the front room, now we have begun to unpack and empty the room ( which smells of clean laundry and lovely things now, glory be) and everywhere I look there is 'stuff' I just hate disorder. I like neat and tidy and organised things. I must get it done.......but maybe we might have to spend the last day of the school hols having just a bit more fun, what do you think? Yeah, me too.

What's the absolute must do thing if you are moving house tomorrow?

Have a Party! Yes, that's what we are doing in about 2 hours. I stink because I have been scrubbing and lifting and all that malarky. So we are having a party. Hooray.

And the rain came down...

And down and again, the rain, well it fell and kept falling and there was not even a glimmer of sunshine. I found myself so unacceptably angry about it, losing your home? Oh well, there will be a reason and it will turn out for the best.
Disabled child? What a blessing, how lucky to have this special child to grace our lives and teach us so much.
Huge things, we can get through it and praise the Lord.
The rain, made me very, very cross. Look, we have at church about 45 children, they are, it has to be said, exceptional children, on sundays you can hear a pin drop in the room because these children have such respect, such reverence that we are in awe of them. They listen, they sing, they sit, the respond, they are obedient and glorious.
3 times a year we hold fun days for them, usually we have them with a theme and they have fun ( imagine) and learn something . This fun day was planned to be just fun, real FUN, a blast, messy and loud, a thankyou to them for just being so incredible.
All we asked for was 3 hours of sunshine, such an easy request for the Lord to grant. Yet, it rained and it rained so hard that we couldn't ignore it and go ahead anyway. Plan B was to meet at the church and have some games ( sigh, yawn) so that's what we did, the kids had a blast and although they were a bit sad that the real plans were thwarted they still threw themselves into the B plan with gusto and very loud echoey voices.
I was hard put to join in because something else came along to add to my grouchiness, I stayed in the background while Adele made all the fun happen. I took pictures though, and prepared the food.
We have glorious sunshine forecast for this next week ( naturally) and so we have kept the pools filled and hopefully, on wednesday, when Seth turns 7, we shall have a smaller version of the water day. Wonder if the forecast will actually be correct when we want it to be? Anyone want to bet?

On your marks, get set.......

I have just been to check on the boys, 11pm, everyone of them is FULLY DRESSED in bed, fast asleep. They are so excited for tomorrow they obviously want to just leap out of bed and be ready. Jeans, shirts, socks that is what being 4, 6 and nearly 7 is all about.
The garden is ready, 3 pools, waterbombs, water pistols, slip and slide, sprinklers ready, hot dogs, chips, chocolate cake.
The weather forecast......heavy rain. ARGH! Although why would it matter if they are all just going to get wet anyway right?
I believe in miracles and am convinced that forecast be damned, it WILL be sunny, if only from 10 -12.30 we will have SUNSHINE and a garden full of happy children.
Watch this space.